dearest friends and family.
im a sad girl. this was a hard week. especially this weekend. to be brief, we didnt do too much prosoliting. we did our best but our numbers arent so hot. but its ok.
we spent a lot of the week in the clinic for Hna Downs. she has another hernia. and yesterday, i saw my best friend go home back to alabama. after 8 beautiful months in the mission, hers was cut short cause her body is weak. i held her while she cried. i heard her say all the discouraging words a missionary would say. " i havent changed. i didnt work hard enough. i dont rock at spanish! i havent changed enough lives." and it broke my heart.
she is such an outstanding missionary, and she HAS touched a lot of lives. including mine. youve all already heard me say this, but she is my best friend. i dont let many in too deep. i have a lot of friends, but a few that REALLY get close. we got pretty close. she has seen my weaknesses and knows me better than anyone else here. and i think i could say the same about her. i miss her. so does hna flores. she was a ray of sunshine and a breath of fresh air and a leader and the ward members loved her.
she is such an outstanding missionary, and she HAS touched a lot of lives. including mine. youve all already heard me say this, but she is my best friend. i dont let many in too deep. i have a lot of friends, but a few that REALLY get close. we got pretty close. she has seen my weaknesses and knows me better than anyone else here. and i think i could say the same about her. i miss her. so does hna flores. she was a ray of sunshine and a breath of fresh air and a leader and the ward members loved her.
i would like to share a tender moment we had together the day before she left.
she was packing her bags. all her crazy mess was all over the room and she was packing up the last 8 months into two suitcases against her will. about half way through, she went to the bathroom. she was in there for a while, and finally i heard her sobs. she really just let it out . after being strong for so long she just needed a good cry. i couldnt focus on my studies. i was just so sad. it was so hard to hear her be so sad and there was nothing i could do! i foght with myself for a minute or two, thinking, oh she needs her space, i shouldnt do anything, but i couldnt help myself. it was killing me! so i went to the bathroom to try to comfort her as much as i could. but she locked the door. she did need her space. i went back to my desk, to try and study againg and i just couldnt! it was torture! finally, i just went to the bathroom door and sat on the floor and cried with her. she didnt know i was there. she didnt need to know i was. but i was crying right along side her. her on one side of the door and i on the other. and we just cried together. eventually she opened the door. and we were able to comfort each other and cry together. afterwards i thought, how symbolic. sometimes we have trials, and we are locking ourselves in the bathroom to cry and let it out all by ourselves. and how often is christ waiting on the otherside of the bathroom door crying on the floor with us. and waiting for us to open the door so that he can comfort us. and we can cry together and that is the atonement. it is infinite. it is love. it is always there AND HE is aways there. we jsut have to let him comfort us.
and he has. sometimes we want to give up. sometimes we want to just wiff some cloriform and knock us out so we dont have to feel anything sometimes we just want to fall and lay there until the storm is over. sometimes we dont want to hear the words of comfort or advice or the silverlining. and in those oments, i imagine christ is saying "its ok to fall. just make sure you fall in MY arms. its ok to give up for now, just make sure you dont quite on me. cause ill make up the difference for now." He is the positive when i cannot be. he is my legs when my dont work. only HE is who makes it "OK" When it is really NOT ok with me....
and that is another reason why the atonement is INFINATE. he covers it ALL. when we cannot. he is there waiting. he is real, he lives, and he is with us weather we let him in or not. just on the other side of the door waiting for us to cry WITH him. instead of alone.
and that is a few of the things i have learned from this trial.
everything is in his will and all in his purpose. even when its not our will or what we want.
we will keep working hard. cause the savior will make up for what we lack. lo que me falta.
and we will seguir adelante.
she was packing her bags. all her crazy mess was all over the room and she was packing up the last 8 months into two suitcases against her will. about half way through, she went to the bathroom. she was in there for a while, and finally i heard her sobs. she really just let it out . after being strong for so long she just needed a good cry. i couldnt focus on my studies. i was just so sad. it was so hard to hear her be so sad and there was nothing i could do! i foght with myself for a minute or two, thinking, oh she needs her space, i shouldnt do anything, but i couldnt help myself. it was killing me! so i went to the bathroom to try to comfort her as much as i could. but she locked the door. she did need her space. i went back to my desk, to try and study againg and i just couldnt! it was torture! finally, i just went to the bathroom door and sat on the floor and cried with her. she didnt know i was there. she didnt need to know i was. but i was crying right along side her. her on one side of the door and i on the other. and we just cried together. eventually she opened the door. and we were able to comfort each other and cry together. afterwards i thought, how symbolic. sometimes we have trials, and we are locking ourselves in the bathroom to cry and let it out all by ourselves. and how often is christ waiting on the otherside of the bathroom door crying on the floor with us. and waiting for us to open the door so that he can comfort us. and we can cry together and that is the atonement. it is infinite. it is love. it is always there AND HE is aways there. we jsut have to let him comfort us.
and he has. sometimes we want to give up. sometimes we want to just wiff some cloriform and knock us out so we dont have to feel anything sometimes we just want to fall and lay there until the storm is over. sometimes we dont want to hear the words of comfort or advice or the silverlining. and in those oments, i imagine christ is saying "its ok to fall. just make sure you fall in MY arms. its ok to give up for now, just make sure you dont quite on me. cause ill make up the difference for now." He is the positive when i cannot be. he is my legs when my dont work. only HE is who makes it "OK" When it is really NOT ok with me....
and that is another reason why the atonement is INFINATE. he covers it ALL. when we cannot. he is there waiting. he is real, he lives, and he is with us weather we let him in or not. just on the other side of the door waiting for us to cry WITH him. instead of alone.
and that is a few of the things i have learned from this trial.
everything is in his will and all in his purpose. even when its not our will or what we want.
we will keep working hard. cause the savior will make up for what we lack. lo que me falta.
and we will seguir adelante.
in other news, five missionaries have chicken pox, a few of them have phamonia, and tyfoid fever. three have big nasty spider bites and one got attacked by a dog. sometimes i think satan is trying REALLY hard to stop the work of salvation and the only way he knows how is through the one thing he ddoes not have.... the body. BUT NOT EVEN THAT will stop God. cause he is too powerful to be stopped. and salvation is worth the pain.
also, i celebrated christmas AGAIN this week when dad and heidis christmas package came in the mail!!!!! THANK YOU! MUCHISIAS GRACIAS! it was so fun to open up all the texas clothes (yoga pants. my fav) ... all my favorite sweets (reeses pieces and peanut mnms) and much much more. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! this christmas in a box brought us joy in our final hours as a trio. thank you
also i watched the youth theme video for 2014 and it is powerful. mostly cause spencer is in it MY BRO IS A STUD but it made me weep. we are stronger than we think and we need to KEEP being strong. Christ is proud of us when we overcome. and so is our father in heaven.
shout out to aunt bobbi. i recieved 2 dear elders from her this week. about grandpa morgans funeral and her final moments with him. and i have one thing to say aunt bobbi.
thank you for this letter. it was key. i neeeded to read everything you said so i could let go of some things. i know that Grandpa Morgan is another angel that i will have on my team durring this mission. i will have the oportunity to work with him to bring salvation to many what a blessing. thank you aunt bobbi. i love you. and your letters. and your adventures with catching fire and everything. youre awesome. 4
i love you all. stay strong. keep working with the missionaires cause THEY CANT DO IT ALONE!
les quiero mucho
con mucho amor
su hija,
hna Gonzales
su hija,
hna Gonzales
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