dearest loved ones in my life:
9 months and going strong! WOO HOO!
some missionaries at their half way, burn things. well thats against the rules ill have you know, so.... us hermanas stuff our skirts and call it "voy a dar a luz" (im glowing)....
this week:
first, we had to MAKE a map, yes, walk around in the peruvian heat and draw, corner by corner, of Nueva Barraza. found out two days before that we were to do some serious hard core, the whole zone involved FINDING! we call it "alzar la voz" (raise the voice) BUT you cant invite 18 missionaries to pros with out a map! so we MADE ONE! and it looks gooooood..... so does my farmers tan. lets just say, ill be rolling home half peruvianm, half american. WOOW! so hott right now.
you know how every missionary hits a "dry spell"? well, i think i hit mine. i read my letters this last week and it seems like THE WHOLE WORLD including my grandma, is BAPTIZING except me! hmmm.... ya the missionaries in my zone and district, chaz, my friends, dad, mom, grandma, cousins,..... how do i have such amazing people in my life.... i hope i can live up to them. well. havent had a progressing investigator since christmas. and ya know, after a few months, its kinda hard to NOT feel like youre wasting the lords time, your time, your boyfriends time, presidents time.... ugggg. and i have to remember that this isnt MY mission, its the Lords mission (thank you mr arteta who reminded me of this a few months prior. i thnk it was prophetic). i have to remember that nothing happens in when I want it to happen. this week we found 19 NEW investigators. and how many of the 19 went to church? 2.... but i am DANG PROUD of those two! and i just keep praying that i am doing everything right. am i missing something? am i doing something obviously wrong and i just dont know it? i am analyzing myself and my work to death! all while keeping a smile on for my comp. hoping she is not feeling what i am feeling. doing my best to help her feel successful all while i am feeling like a failure. its quite the war inside. sometimes i just cry in secret. sometimes i just ponder. sometimes when i have no strength to smile i smile any way. i just work harder to make sure that i am NOT wasting ANYONES TIME!
but dont get me wrong. the work is still good. i did have a few tender mercies this week. durring "Alzar la Voz", i got to put all the companionships together. (a new companion for a few hours always makes thigs fun and interesting) and for some reason, i put my new companion with another new sister companion. it didnt make sense, but i did it any way. hoping i did the right thing.... well, it turns out, my comp needed to feel like a leader for a change (makes sense, i know thefeeling) and hna Paiva, my temp comp needed to cry. she has been struggling with her companion Hna GOnzaleZ from argentina for the last two changes.- going on 3 changes. she has been trainging hna gonzalez. but hermana gonzalez is kind of proud and doestn listen to her trainer. she puts everything she says down and does her own thing. (disobedience) and hna paiva is the QUEEN of obedience. so when she was with me, she said "hna gonzales, i have no desire to smile anymore or laugh. i cant keep doing this." it was then i knew, why i made the strange interchange of sister missionaries. hna paiva just needed to cry. to vent and to cry. so i said, you know what, i planned this alzar la voz and i can do what i want. i think its moments ilke these, heavenly father just says "take your dirty, sandy walking shoes off, put your sore toes in the river, and cry to your temp comp.". so that is what we did. and we talked about how the savior could carry his cross to the hill to be killed. so he had angels help him. we couldnt see them, but im sure they were there. when she doenst have the strength to smile any more, let the savior smile FOR you. laugh and listen to your investigator FOR you. cause you just cant do it anymore. (i could say all this, cause thats what i have been going through this week.) when i jsut cant seem to do it anymore, I DONT! and the Savior DOES!
its amazing. then the investigator doesnt SEE hna gonzales or hna paiva. they see the savior. and thats how its supposed to be right?
it was a special moment we had under a bannan tree, a mango tree, with the smell of onions from the fields and our toes in the streem. and we felt gods love through his nature and through our words as we cried together. also,
we found two families to teach from alzar la voz. we have a family home evening with one of them tonight. the uncle is a midget and sits in a wheel chair all day, but he is the happiest, funniest guy ever! He will be a great latter day saint.
also, we had another miracle.
we went to visit another family. the parents arent married and they have three beautiful daughters. we taught the daughters to pray and now they LOVE to pray! they pray EVERY morning and night. its so precious.
well. one day we went to visit, and the dad was there (havent met him yet. named carlos.) but he wouldnt join us for the lesson. he was busy banging on bricks of the house with a crow bar. i was so confused as to what he was doing. i stood up and walked over to him and asked "que esta haciendo?" (what the heck are you doing??) turns out, he was trying to break a brick out of his house, so he could break down the kitchen doo cause they were locked out! they were locked outo f their kitchen!!! how can they eat!?
so i said a prayer. (obv. im a missionary) and i said " Heavenly father? if we get this door open, do you think he will listen to us and maybe by showing him your hand, a miracle, they will go to church?".... well i looked over at my comp, and pulled a bobbi pin out of her hair. i was going to attempt to pick the lock. heck, if it works in movies, why not real life..... im a missionary. wierd things happen all the time.... didnt work for me. so she pulled another one out and with the bobbi pins began opporating ont he door why the dad, carlos continued beating on the bricks..... well, after about 2 mintes, the door opened! hna rejala looked at me like.... who opened the door?. did the mom get in on the other side? no. was it her? she didnt think so. we were both stunned. did it really work? we concluded that it was an angel. cause it just opened so smoothly!!!!
i turned to carlos the mom and the three daughters adn said, "creen en milagros?" (do you believe in miracls?) and i said it wasnt a cooincedence that we came in a time of need and opened the kitchen door.
we found out, that 10 years earlier, carlos and saida had been investigating the church cause she was pregnant and they wanted to get married in a church!
well i said, hey, we can help with that!
we will see waht happens with this family.
well thats the latest and greatest.
pray for andi, he is progressing just cause of work cant go to church but is reading and praying and knows its true!
pray for jorge, after 3 months of investigating, he finally got friends and is active in the single ward activities. jsut needs to go to church....
pray for marielena that she can get permission.
and the family in chakarilla barraza.
con amor
hna gonzlaes
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